What We’ve Learned About Day-Of Coordinators for New York City-Area Weddings, Part 3: The Potential Nightmares of Hiring a Bad One

In the last two posts on this topic, we discussed, first, how to determine if you need a day-of wedding coordinator, and then, second, how to make sure you get a good one. Here, in our third and final entry, we cover the reasons why a bad day-of person is almost always worse than having none at all, and, if they’re really bad, could even have you shouting the title of the vintage Northern Soul record below: “Please Stop the Wedding!”

Before we break down these reasons, please note that we are discussing only day-of coordinators – not traditional wedding planners who work with clients to arrange their event from start to finish. Here we’re talking about a person who is concerned with scheduling, putting out fires, and making sure things run smoothly on the day or days leading up to the wedding. And, once again, we feel that we’ve got some authority to address this topic since in DJing all types and sizes of weddings in New York City and the metropolitan area for many years, we’ve seen an incredible range of good, so-so, and very bad day-of people, as well as the fact that we ourselves have done wedding planning and schedule coordination on our own.

So, here we go, why a bad day-of person is really a bad thing:

1) The Couple Will Be Paying for Screw Ups – The most obvious reason that it’s worse to have a bad day-of coordinator than none at all is that if they screw things up by, say, forgetting specific instructions from the bride about a last-minute change to the flower arrangements, or for some reason is passionately insisting the DJ play the recessional song while the officiant’s still talking, it could become not just an awkward or uncomfortable moment for the couple and their guests, but it’s also costing money, as most of these coordinators aren’t known to work “pro bono.” But if the couple did things themselves, or allowed vendors you trust to deal with their parts of the scheduling and flow alone, while it might be a little more work, at least they’d have a smoother day, and be saving money.

2) If There’s Not Enough Control, It Puts Last-Minute Pressure On Vendors – If, from the start, vendors are expected to do certain things at the wedding, they’ll know that they need to follow-through. For example, as DJs, if we know that there will be no day-of coordinator, we prepare for a wedding by asking many more questions and making sure to get these answers from the couple about how their wedding will be flowing, and make sure that all is in place for us do act as a de-facto day- of coordinator of the event timeline, as well as being a great DJ and MC. But if we’ve been told all along that there will be a day-of coordinator taking care of this, we might not be as ready for suddenly being put into the role of taking over another job all night, and it could effect and conflict with our expected jobs of DJing and MCing. This example applies to all vendors equally – florists, caterers, the officiant, etc. Invariably, when there’s a day-of coordinator, vendors are told this ahead of time at some point, and vendors assume they can at least use the day-of  person as a “go to” guide during the night. If the coordinator then doesn’t have any authority, or is in over their head, or leaves early or often, the vendors then are left to co-ordinate things themselves, and the event may not run nearly as smoothly.

3) If The Coordinator Is In Control But Inexperienced, It Creates Potential Conflict With Vendors – A good day-of wedding coordinator knows how to balance their authority and expertise on “flowing” a smooth event, but at the same time deferring – when appropriate – to the expertise or insistence of a vendor like a florist, caterer, or a DJ. A bad day-of person will not take advice from a vendor, even if the vendor may be trying to steer the coordinator away from a potential awkward moment for the wedding. For example, we had an experience at a popular city venue recently where the day-of person told us to play dance music so the guests would dance as they came down the narrow and steep staircase from the cocktail area to the reception room. It seemed like she envisioned it to be normal for the guests to be already dancing as they came down the stairs. First, simply from our insurance company’s standpoint, this would be a nightmare. Second, even though it was in the city, this is not a Broadway musical version of a wedding, this is a real wedding! But this day-of person insisted, over our objections, that we do this, so we ended up having to make a potentially contentious executive decision and not do what she suggested. Instead we played bouncy and lively music as the guests entered the room, but not full-on dance music, and the client was happy. We knew they would be, since this is what they had told us they wanted from the start! This kind of dicey situation is also equally applicable to all vendors at a wedding: A bad day-of coordinator may have clunky, or overly-ambitious, or inappropriate ideas – whether it’s simply from inexperience, or from some burning desire to finally use that college theater degree. But wherever it comes from, these misguided notions can often put a vendor’s expertise and loyalty to what the couple said they wanted against what the day-of person suddenly insists the vendor do.

4) Lingering Problems After the Wedding – Okay, so the day-of person was bad, there was a few definite screw-up on her or his part, and now the couple is disappointed and angry. And the coordinator still wants their money. Here’s another battle you’re going to have to fight, good luck! The wedding is over, so shouldn’t the stress be, too? Well, not if the day-of person doesn’t see what they did wrong and you’re demanding money knocked off their fee due to the flubbed moments. This is the last thing you want to be dealing with at the airport as you’re called to the gate to board the flight to your Costa Rica honeymoon. And if your day-of person was a friend and this situation happens, double the stressful feelings. And these might not be stressful feelings over money so much as over something even more serious – the continuing good health of a friendship.

So, what’s a great way to avoid all these potential nightmares? We come back to the beginning: See the first paragraph of this post, and click on the links for the first two posts on this topic, and instead of nightmares of your wedding day, you’ll only have pleasant dreams. Awww…

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