New York DJ

If you’ve decided to have a Hora at your wedding, we've learned from many years of performing at Jewish or half-Jewish weddings that you then need to make sure you consider a few elements for making the Hora successful that we find couples or even wedding planners fail to address – mainly because these factors are so elementary that they're often not thought about during the overall wedding preparation.

(To help determine what type of Hora to have, or other, less-common but still enlivening ways to include Jewish music at your wedding, read Part I of our “Avoiding Hora Drama” post.)

The Hora, as many probably know, is a type of circle dance that usually results in the bride and groom and sometimes other family members being lifted up in chairs. It has long been popular at Jewish or half-Jewish weddings – something evident from the covers of these two vintage mid-century albums of Jewish music pictured. Part of the Hora's appeal is in how simple it is to create, and how suddenly it can provide a burst of festiveness. So, you might think, what preparations does there need to be? Just make sure everyone’s in the reception room, throw on “Hava Nagila,” have guests grab a few chairs, get a few strong guys and the bride and groom, and Mazel Tov! You’re totally partyin', mensch.

Well, the Hora often seems to happen with that impromptu feel, but just because of that doesn’t mean there wasn’t some planning and choices behind it. Here’s what we've found in are the most important elements often overlooked when it comes to the Hora:

1) Do It Before The Guests Are Too Drunk – Many couples don’t realize as much as they should that too much alcohol and heavy bodies being held aloft in chairs for several minutes could be kind of dangerous. So, if you know your guests are the kind who will be drinking a lot through the night, it might be better to get the Hora out of the way early, at the beginning of the reception, while at least the strongest guys are in control of themselves to not drop anyone. If you know the drinking will be lighter, you have a bit more freedom to do the Hora later in the reception, such as after the main course. If you’re not sure about how much drinking will take place, always assume there will be more, just to be safe, and have the Hora earlier – not necessarily as the first element in the reception, but perhaps in between the first courses or at least before the main course. The one timing recommendation that we can say applies no matter what is to never have the Hora much later than right after the main course, the reason being that not long after this, people are usually a bit tipsy and even tired due to a few solid hours of imbibing and dancing.

2) Always Have the MC Announce It – Though most people, especially in and around New York City, know what the Hora is and what to do when it starts, we find that you usually can’t just put on a well-known festive Jewish song like “Siman Tov” or “Hava Nagila” and have guests suddenly rise to their feet and start singing and dancing like the cast of Fiddler on the Roof. An instance comes to mind where, over our polite objections, a wedding planner insisted we not announce the Hora because, who knows, she figured a movie moment like described above could magically happen. Well, we did what she said, and when the song began, the guests looked around, confused. We knew they were thinking something like, so, wait, do we do the Hora now? A moment later, seeing nothing was going to happen without some guidance, we announced the Hora, and just like that everyone got up happily and started to party. The lesson is simple: Guests need to know the Hora is happening when it is about to happen. They may think it is when they hear the familiar opening melody of a song, but because guest usually don’t want assume too much and risk embarrassment, and because the bride and groom or best man don’t have time to ready all the guests on their own, the reception needs a simple announcement that the Hora is about to begin. This also builds a bit of anticipation as people come out to the dance floor, gives guests a moment to round up some chairs and to get the bride and groom ready, and to get any stragglers back from the bar.

3) Consider How Much Hora They’re Going to Want – Though it’s often difficult to predict how long a Hora will last or how wild a Hora will be, it’s important to spend a few moments at least considering it. Think of your guests a bit – is there a group that you know that really loves Hora dances from other celebrations you’ve attended with them? Or are you having the Hora not mostly because you want it but simply to please your parents or other relatives? Do your guests as a whole tend to be a more rowdy group, or do they need some encouragement to let loose? Do the bride's and groom's sides know each other, or is there not much crossover of friend groups between the two sides? Considering factors like this may help you determine how long of a Hora should be played, and if the traditional songs can go deeper than the usual favorites or if there should be simply a quick medley of the most familiar festive Jewish songs. Once you’ve decided on the length and type of songs, or if you simply can’t determine it – you can then, in the case of the former situation, ask if your DJ has the appropriate length and/or song selections you need, or, in the case of the latter situation, make sure the DJ is prepared with a variety of songs to play it by ear and let the MC know to be ready to possibly encourage the crowd a bit if they're a little shy.

Trying to determine if your DJ likes music may sound silly – if they’re DJs, a passion for music, or at least for a few styles of music, is a given, right? Well, unfortunately, it’s not. Over the years of being in the mobile DJ business in the New York City metropolitan area, we’ve seen first hand – and heard from many clients – that often DJs and DJ companies don’t seem to put a lot of attention to diversifying their playlists or taking the time to create an original mix of songs that is both accessible and fresh.

You probably know the kind of DJs I’m talking about – the cheeseball who cracks lame one-liners and wears a “cur-razy” silver sequined suit to incite you to getting up to dance to tired disco hits; or the cooler-than-thou hipster behind the turntables that yes, really knows his one genre of music, but, unfortunately, that’s all he knows, and so he plays it to death all night; or the DJ company that comes with a bunch of “party motivators” dressed in sexy or silly costumes and practically rips you out of your chairs after dinner, bullying you into dancing to a generic mix of recent Top 40 singles.

Yes, these are all things we’ve either witnessed or have had clients witness. Perhaps you have as well. And seeing this kind of thing calls into question that very basic assumption that a DJ actually likes music. If more of them did, maybe they’d be able to switch between genres more impressively, or need less gimmicks to cover up the limp quality of their song selections.

You’d think that even if a DJ or DJ company wasn’t that into the songs and instead more into the entertainment or MCing part of an event, at least they’d put a little time in to freshen up their playlist a bit for the events at which they spin. But this takes a bit more effort – to do it, you often need to meet more than once with a client to learn more about their specific musical preferences, or you need to spend time discovering what songs are popular in a newer or vintage genre that you might not be that familiar with. It’s much easier for these DJs or DJ companies to simply stay in their limited musical comfort zone, or to “help out” lame songs by doing something like having party motivators put on plastic dog masks and bark at guests as the DJ spins “Who Let the Dogs Out.” (Unfortunately, that’s a real anecdote about a DJ company that we recently heard from a client.)

So, to help you find someone who’s actually excited about crafting a playlist for your event instead of relying on a tired, limited, or a one-size-fits-all mix of songs, here’s a few questions you can ask when you interview DJs or DJ companies for your event. We welcome these questions from clients, and the good thing about asking these questions is that after you do, you should know from the DJ’s answers rather quickly whether they’re enthusiastic about music or certain genres of it rather quickly – luckily, passion tends to be hard to fake.

1) Ask The DJ What They Like to Listen to On Their Own – You can quickly find out a little information about a DJs personal preferences if you ask them this question. While they may tell you about songs or artists that you haven’t heard of, or ones couldn’t play at your event (the DJ may even be aware of this and mention it to you, just so you don’t get worried), getting an indication of their private tastes can be a window into seeing how unusually deep they are into a few types of music, or be the start of a slightly too detailed but endearing story about their large vintage record collection that’s threatening to take over their apartment. These answers are both good indicators that there’s a real enthusiasm for music going on there. Or, on the other hand, this question could result in an answer from the DJ about how they really dig the newest popular dance songs, like that new one “Tonight’s the Night” by The Black Guy Peas, and you’ll try to not crack your smile or a laugh since they don’t even realize they got the name of the song and the band wrong. You get the idea – either way, whether the answer’s good or bad, after asking this question you’ll probably have a better idea of what the DJ is more familiar with musically, and what they’re not.

2) Ask Them How They Got Started – This is a great way to see where their experience and motivation is coming from. In the answer, you might get a pleasant story about how the DJ was inspired by how his father would sit down by the record player and share his soul 45s with him when he was a kid. Or, again, on the other hand, you might find out that the DJ mostly runs a computer printer replacement cartridge business but DJs because his brother recently left him with the equipment and song library after moving to Arizona, so hey, why not? Now, this kind of answer doesn’t automatically mean a DJ like that doesn’t enjoy music a lot, but it probably also means that his motivation lies more in seeing entrepreneurship opportunities than it does in crafting an original mix of songs for several hours.

3) Ask Them What They Like Best About DJing – By asking this question, you can often see where a DJ’s specific passions are. Some may tell you they love the preparation of listening to the requests of the client and thinking about how they will likely fit these in with the songs that the DJ already feels will work for that client. Others may tell you they really enjoy that they’ve learned to move around organically between genres of music that one might not think would go together automatically, and in doing this, feel they make guests appreciate songs a little more that they might not have before. Or, some might give you a vague and slightly hesitant answer about how they love “just…playin’ the music…for the crowd…and, you know…just playin’…all kinds of great tunes.” In this case, it’s a safe bet that their passion is simply collecting your check at the end of the event.

In the last two posts on this topic, we discussed, first, how to determine if you need a day-of wedding coordinator, and then, second, how to make sure you get a good one. Here, in our third and final entry, we cover the reasons why a bad day-of person is almost always worse than having none at all, and, if they’re really bad, could even have you shouting the title of the vintage Northern Soul record below: “Please Stop the Wedding!”

Before we break down these reasons, please note that we are discussing only day-of coordinators – not traditional wedding planners who work with clients to arrange their event from start to finish. Here we’re talking about a person who is concerned with scheduling, putting out fires, and making sure things run smoothly on the day or days leading up to the wedding. And, once again, we feel that we’ve got some authority to address this topic since in DJing all types and sizes of weddings in New York City and the metropolitan area for many years, we’ve seen an incredible range of good, so-so, and very bad day-of people, as well as the fact that we ourselves have done wedding planning and schedule coordination on our own.

So, here we go, why a bad day-of person is really a bad thing:

1) The Couple Will Be Paying for Screw Ups – The most obvious reason that it’s worse to have a bad day-of coordinator than none at all is that if they screw things up by, say, forgetting specific instructions from the bride about a last-minute change to the flower arrangements, or for some reason is passionately insisting the DJ play the recessional song while the officiant’s still talking, it could become not just an awkward or uncomfortable moment for the couple and their guests, but it’s also costing money, as most of these coordinators aren’t known to work “pro bono.” But if the couple did things themselves, or allowed vendors you trust to deal with their parts of the scheduling and flow alone, while it might be a little more work, at least they’d have a smoother day, and be saving money.

2) If There’s Not Enough Control, It Puts Last-Minute Pressure On Vendors – If, from the start, vendors are expected to do certain things at the wedding, they’ll know that they need to follow-through. For example, as DJs, if we know that there will be no day-of coordinator, we prepare for a wedding by asking many more questions and making sure to get these answers from the couple about how their wedding will be flowing, and make sure that all is in place for us do act as a de-facto day- of coordinator of the event timeline, as well as being a great DJ and MC. But if we’ve been told all along that there will be a day-of coordinator taking care of this, we might not be as ready for suddenly being put into the role of taking over another job all night, and it could effect and conflict with our expected jobs of DJing and MCing. This example applies to all vendors equally – florists, caterers, the officiant, etc. Invariably, when there’s a day-of coordinator, vendors are told this ahead of time at some point, and vendors assume they can at least use the day-of  person as a “go to” guide during the night. If the coordinator then doesn’t have any authority, or is in over their head, or leaves early or often, the vendors then are left to co-ordinate things themselves, and the event may not run nearly as smoothly.

3) If The Coordinator Is In Control But Inexperienced, It Creates Potential Conflict With Vendors – A good day-of wedding coordinator knows how to balance their authority and expertise on “flowing” a smooth event, but at the same time deferring – when appropriate – to the expertise or insistence of a vendor like a florist, caterer, or a DJ. A bad day-of person will not take advice from a vendor, even if the vendor may be trying to steer the coordinator away from a potential awkward moment for the wedding. For example, we had an experience at a popular city venue recently where the day-of person told us to play dance music so the guests would dance as they came down the narrow and steep staircase from the cocktail area to the reception room. It seemed like she envisioned it to be normal for the guests to be already dancing as they came down the stairs. First, simply from our insurance company’s standpoint, this would be a nightmare. Second, even though it was in the city, this is not a Broadway musical version of a wedding, this is a real wedding! But this day-of person insisted, over our objections, that we do this, so we ended up having to make a potentially contentious executive decision and not do what she suggested. Instead we played bouncy and lively music as the guests entered the room, but not full-on dance music, and the client was happy. We knew they would be, since this is what they had told us they wanted from the start! This kind of dicey situation is also equally applicable to all vendors at a wedding: A bad day-of coordinator may have clunky, or overly-ambitious, or inappropriate ideas – whether it’s simply from inexperience, or from some burning desire to finally use that college theater degree. But wherever it comes from, these misguided notions can often put a vendor’s expertise and loyalty to what the couple said they wanted against what the day-of person suddenly insists the vendor do.

4) Lingering Problems After the Wedding – Okay, so the day-of person was bad, there was a few definite screw-up on her or his part, and now the couple is disappointed and angry. And the coordinator still wants their money. Here’s another battle you’re going to have to fight, good luck! The wedding is over, so shouldn’t the stress be, too? Well, not if the day-of person doesn’t see what they did wrong and you’re demanding money knocked off their fee due to the flubbed moments. This is the last thing you want to be dealing with at the airport as you’re called to the gate to board the flight to your Costa Rica honeymoon. And if your day-of person was a friend and this situation happens, double the stressful feelings. And these might not be stressful feelings over money so much as over something even more serious – the continuing good health of a friendship.

So, what’s a great way to avoid all these potential nightmares? We come back to the beginning: See the first paragraph of this post, and click on the links for the first two posts on this topic, and instead of nightmares of your wedding day, you’ll only have pleasant dreams. Awww…

In the previous post on this subject, we covered how to determine if you need a day-of wedding coordinator – a planner whose job it is to ensure at the time of your event that everything flows smoothly, that any sudden last-minute alterations are implemented quickly, and any emergencies that pop up are overcome. If you’ve decided that you indeed do need a day-of coordinator, here’s how to make sure you get a good one, and, more specifically, someone who’s going to be able to execute the vision of your wedding beyond just making things a basic and stiff event, like the old album cover art below suggests.

First, just a word about why we – a group of DJs – are writing this, and feel we can comment with authority: Over our years of experience performing at weddings in New York City and the surrounding area we’ve seen that there’s so many more wedding styles out there than the traditional formal (and many would say stuffy) wedding. Because we’ve performed at, and helped create day-of timelines for such a variety of weddings, we know 1) when a day-of coordinator tends to be needed or not, 2) what separates the good ones from the bad ones, and perhaps most surprisingly, 3) that having a bad day-of coordinator can often be worse than having none at all.

Again, in the first post on this topic we covered how to know if you need a day-of person. So, here we go with our second post: how to ensure you hire a wedding planner who knows what she or he is doing:

1) Experience Matters, But Not Just Any Experience – Of course, most of you will know that you’ll want a day-of planner with a good amount of experience at this kind of work. But many couples don’t think further than this, and you should. Specifically, make sure that the day-of person you hire has experience at executing a wedding schedule that is like the one you are having – be it for the same size wedding, with the same style, and at the same kind of location. For example, if your wedding tends to be on the less traditional end of the spectrum and you don’t want certain components of the “usual” wedding such as a bridal party introduction, an announced entrance at the start of the reception, or a cake cutting, you want to make sure the planner has practice executing these kind of more eclectic timelines with ease and smoothness, and not defaulting to the more “standby’ schedules by the end of the wedding because they feel the wedding “needs it”, since that’s all she or he is used to seeing at a reception. To ensure you find out what kind of experience a wedding planner has, you shouldn’t have to dig too deeply. A phone call or email exchange can be sufficient to find this out, and if you get to the stage of an in-person interview, make sure to ask the planner what kinds of weddings they feel most comfortable planning, and which kinds they’ve been a part of the most. Any planner worth their weight in datebooks and PDAs should detail this for you, as well as give you some couples’ references.

2) Get Someone Good With Control, But Flexible, Too – Being an in-control decision maker on the day of the wedding is very important, especially if emergencies pop up, but being too quick to exclude moments thay may occur just to stick to the schedule can often squelch the energy of the event. A good day-of planner will know when to back off and let things flow for a bit. For example, if a guest not on the schedule wants to give a last-minute toast, you want to make sure that the planner will at least ask the couple if this is okay, as opposed to being so concerned with timing that the planner simply tells this guest that it can’t be done. Another example – more close-to-home for us DJs – is when a dance set is scheduled to end for a dinner course but the energy is still high and the dance floor is still full, you don’t want a day-of coordinator who tells the DJ to immediately fade out the song and tell everyone to take their seats. Great day-of planners will be sure to have a quick decisions, but often that decision needs to be to back off control for a bit. So, how do you determine if a planner will have this sort of ability? Asking their references is a good way to find out; asking their boss is another way, if they’re from a larger company. But simply telling them directly hat you expect this(and, if you don’t talk to them much between hire and the day of the wedding, now and then repeating it) is the best way to ensure they keep it in the forefront of their mind on the day of the event . 

3) If Your Day-Of Planner Is a Friend, Be Honest With Yourself - You might know a friend who has some experience with day-of planning, and often this is a way to save money, or just help out a person you like. This is great, but make sure your frugalness and/or altruism doesn’t blind you to the possibility that the friend might not know at all what they’re doing. We’ve DJ-ed weddings before where friends (or friends of friends) have been doing the day-of planning and it quickly became obvious from their running severely behind in the schedule, or from the lack of their presence at key moments in the event, that they were completely overwhelmed. It might be tough, but you should ask these friends or acquaintances directly about their experience, or at least ask others about it. If the friend takes offense to being asked about their background with day-of planning, well, then you already know something about their fragile temperament, and this might make you think again about having them guide the flow of your wedding.

4) Learn the Fine Print About The Planner You Want - When you’ve found a good day-of coordinator you’d like to hire, make sure that you know what you are getting in the deal. If they are good at what they do, chances are they are in demand, and this can bring up a few areas of potential difficulty. For example, a planner like this may charge more for overtime, or may only allow a certain number of consultations for the intial fee. Also, they might double-book during a day, and if yours is the later wedding and there’s traffic on the highway that afternoon, they could be arriving late. We’re not saying these planners aren’t worth their money or that it’s not worth dealing with their busy schedules, but make sure you ask them how available they are before you sign the contract, just so you’re both on the same page.

Now, just in case you’re still thinking of going with the planner you think might not be all that great, in the next post, we’ll cover the reasons why not having any day-of coordinator is better than having a bad one.